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Friday, December 10, 2010

Take it for what it's worth...

I am blessed.

As I write those simple words while waiting for a flight from Los Angeles back to my home, it is striking how simple they sound. And yet how profound they are. In that light, it will likely be a challenge to keep from crying in front of several hundred fellow travelers.
It’s a concept that I’ve just recently become aware. More to the point, it’s something that has taken on new texture. I’m not a big believer in ‘luck’ but freely acknowledge that I’ve been a very lucky person. That probably adds another layer to realizing my good fortune.
This trip didn’t start off as a positive. Really it was more of a rescue, an assist to my parents. That it occurred over the Thanksgiving holiday was coincidence of timing.

My mother is 81. Dad is 82. Three days after her 81st birthday, Mom had a laminectomy and spinal fusion. I won’t get into the medical theory behind it, but it is a tough surgery, especially for an 81 year old. That was just the beginning.
While in the hospital, Mom contracted MRSA – Methicillin Resistant Staphylococcus Aureus. That is an infection that is common in hospitals, and can result in potentially life-threatening infections. It’s ugly because it is resistant to many antibiotics. For further information, here’s the Mayo Health link to the story:
MRSA
In Mom’s case, it made recovery from the surgery more difficult, although no one knew it at this point.
She was released to a rehabilitation facility where the routine recovery steps were taken. Mostly this consisted of walking and physical therapy to regain her strength and re-learn how to walk. Partially because of the surgery and its after effects and partially because of the MRSA she lost all appetite. These factors contributed to her downward spiral.
Somehow she got the impression she could live on Ensure, and basically that became her diet. No one at the rehab facility would force her to eat normally, simply because they can’t. Once she was released home, she maintained that (non)eating pattern. Between that and the MRSA, she became weaker, rapidly losing any desire to walk or exercise. The inevitable result was that she fell down.
Complicating this scenario is Dad’s condition. He’s been suffering from a leg ulcer that hasn’t completely healed after two years. In combination with the normal wear and tear of getting older, he has had more and more trouble getting up from a chair, let alone walking.

And after getting home…
I’ve let the above stew for a few days. Partly because it was difficult to write on the plane with others around. Partly because I just wanted to get home and spend time with my wife. Partly because, frankly, it was getting tough to think about this all waking hours, and several hours when I should have been sleeping. Other thoughts flooded back, including work. But mostly because it’s hard to wrap my head around what has happened, what needs to happen and what will happen.

Long story short, Mom continues to deteriorate, ever so slowly. She has difficulty eating enough to keep her alive, due to lack of appetite, depression and now nausea. Fortunately we’ve got a support staff starting to come together so that hopefully she will recover enough to enjoy life again.

So what does this have to do with gratitude? How could one possibly feel blessed under these circumstances?

Ever since my son’s accident I’ve noticed a change in my own attitude. Essentially it’s a matter of recognizing some bad things happen and that they are more worthy of concern than the mundane irritations. Mike’s accident provided a reason to get on my knees and ask for help. Understanding that so much is out of your control is humbling, but it’s also rewarding in that you know you have no influence on the matter, so you are relieved of the responsibility of fixing it. In Mom’s case, it’s knowing that I can help how and when I can help, but I can’t cure her. We can make arrangements for doctors, treatment, household services and personal care. We can ask for guidance and help from the professionals, but it has become more useful to ask for help from our Creator. That has given much easing of our burden. It hasn’t removed it entirely, nor should it. Nor should it absolve us of our duties as loved ones to practice due diligence. But it’s apparent to me that we don’t have to carry the burden ourselves. And for that, I am grateful.

To realize that there are people important in our lives that are willing to help. To know that our extended families are supportive has been a blessing. You know who you are, and I thank you.

The comments and support given by friends and co-workers. Friends have put Mom on their Church prayer list. I am grateful for this.

The concern expressed by my ex-wife. Cindy worked with my parents for a few years and they grew terribly fond of each other. Thank you.

The love and support from my wife, Darlene, is incredible. She knows Mom well, and they are great buddies. It is gratifying to see that relationship, but heartbreaking that they’re so many miles away from each other.

But most importantly, the ability to spend time with my family. That's something never to take for granted, because you just never know.

So yes, for all mentioned previously, and more, I am blessed.