It’s been said that with the advent of the Internet that you will eventually find something you’ve posted that will come back to haunt you. Maybe you’ll make a comment about an old girlfriend that your wife might stumble across. Even worse, you might post or tweet something that a potential employer might not find palatable.
This could very well be one that blows up in my face.
It would be best if this one never had to be remembered, let alone written or spoken about. But since the therapeutic value of time has been less than rewarding, perhaps writing about it will prove to be helpful. Maybe this time it will be OK to let things go, to not let the bitterness of the past years continue to fester within. Even, maybe, to forgive. Every person who has tried to write is told to put something of themselves into the story. As painful as that is, here goes.
In 1999, my ex-wife moved out with her then boyfriend. In 2000, he was arrested for “Rape 3rd: Victim less than 17 years old, Perpetrator more than 21 years old”. Of course, this does not tell the story. It was not a one-time occurrence. It was continual.
He was a 37 year old raping the 15 year old daughter of his girlfriend. My daughter.
He was convicted, served six months in county jail and is as of this writing still on probation for this offense. His sentence will end in May, 2013. Her sentence will continue for life. Our sentence will never end.
My daughter has not had the best of hands dealt to her. She is the unfortunate recipient of her grandmother’s and uncle’s manic depression – what in common terms is now referred to as bi-polar. With no other outside interference, this disease/syndrome is foul enough. Some learn to live with it. Some have or had to have psychological treatment, as my mother did. Others need medication to ‘round out’ the symptoms so they can lead normal, productive lives. But for most, to one degree or another, it’s the gift that keeps on giving.
Add into this the trauma of sexual abuse by someone who professes to love your mother. One whom you looked toward as something close to a father-figure, one with whom you should be safe. Secure. Innocent. Instead, you are the victim of evil visited by a narcissistic predator, one with his own girls to raise. Now he has raised the ante to six victims.
The tragedies are manifest. Not the least of which are those aided and abetted by our judicial system. There is an interesting concept in our way of life: you must repay your debt to society. Your actual victim? Nothing.
Oh, his was among the most stringent punishments handed down in New York. He is branded as a Level 2 Sex Offender. It will follow him around. As the assistant DA told us, having a six month incarceration and ten year probation was heavyweight, because the alternative was an indeterminate sentence of from two to four years in State prison. But then his sentence would be complete. His debt to society would have been fulfilled. He was also required to reimburse our out-of-pocket expense for my daughter’s psychological treatment. After a few sessions, she determined that treatment was not helpful.
And then she attempted suicide. Not once, but twice. She was involuntarily committed to a treatment facility. Not once, but twice. She was released upon her insistence on her 18th birthday, because we could no longer require she be treated.
She is now 26 years old. The fact that my daughter has survived this has been a blessing from God. It has not turned out perfectly, but sometimes you need to accept what is as good enough. I’m grateful that I can still talk to her.
You can learn a lot about yourself in how you react to tribulation. I am disturbed to admit that I’ve failed the part of forgiveness miserably. And in some small measure, that’s why this is being written.
When I was a teenager, when we were proving ourselves to each other, there was a joke/debate about what we’d do if we walked in and found our girlfriends in bed with someone else. Of course, with teen bravado, we all claimed we’d maim or kill one or both. As a matter of fact, when that did happen in my first marriage, I merely turned around and left, after retrieving my suit from the closet.
That was an instance that I’m proud of. I didn’t maim or kill. Heck, I didn’t even raise my voice. It would have been pointless.
But I’ve spent a fair portion of time over the last eleven years plotting evil. No matter that his debt has been paid, more or less. It isn’t enough. His sentence should not end until hers has ended. My righteous indignation as a father, my perverted sense of justice, my absolute desire of retribution has not been satisfied. I’ve contemplated various types of torture, from the sublime (interrupting his marriage to ask if the bride knew about his pedophilia) to the ridiculous (injecting bleach intravenously while skinning him alive with a battery-acid soaked filet knife). I’ve learned much from watching Schwarzenegger and Willis films in methods of stopping just short of death while inflicting maximum pain. While thinking about writing this over the last few days, I was going to include his Sex Predator and his Facebook web pages. While grim, there is a part of me that would gladly serve time for having extracted not just a pound of flesh, but enough to level the scale in my warped attempt to make him pay for the damage he has done to my daughter.
Over the years, some have commented on my restraint in not taking revenge. Some have laughed nervously when I mentioned some diabolical way to make him suffer. Actually, it’s my ultimate belief in God that has hamstrung me to the point where he is still walking and able to take food. He did undergo a jailhouse conversion to Buddhism, and I hope Karma is a bitch. But short of that, it’ll be waiting on God’s judgment for me.
It’s too bad there hasn’t been a happy ending to this, yet. Time will tell if I continue to plot pain or not. At least for now, writing this really has been therapeutic to the point that at this moment I am not seething. Sometimes you need to accept what is as good enough.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Urban Renewal?
If you’ve never been to Syracuse, you’re not missing much. Oh, don’t misunderstand – it’s very pretty, unless you have a dislike of snow for 5 months a year. You’ve got hills, valleys, apple orchards, lots of open farmland, beaucoup trees with a beautiful fall, and enough year-round recreational activities to keep most of us happy.
No, we’re talking the city proper. You know, the urban landscape.
Syracuse, along with several other Upstate New York cities (Buffalo, Rochester, Watertown, Binghamton, Utica, Schenectady, Albany) is a ghost from cities past. They’re like many legacy cities from the industrial northeast, the Rust Belt. And like Marley’s ghost foretold, pay attention if you don’t want it happening to you.
After years of false starts and broken dreams, it’s déjà vu all over again. We’re starting another renaissance attempt. Maybe this time it will happen. But at what cost, and who’s picking up the tab?
Over the past couple of years I visited my old hometown of Riverside, California a handful of times. Prior to the most recent financial meltdown, Riverside had bonded almost a billion dollars for their renewal projects. Things such as road realignment, park renewal, railroad underpasses and general beautification were to be done to bring the city back to life. Of course even then you knew it wouldn’t be enough. Heck, to dig a roadway under a railroad must cost close to $500 million, right? Even if it’s ‘only’ half that amount, you can’t do too many of those before you’re resorting to picking up pennies from the street to pay the bills.
And Riverside was nowhere near the shape that Syracuse is in.
Back in the day, Syracuse was blessed. It had the good fortune to be built on the Erie Canal, which at one time was like the autobahn. There were all sorts of manufacturing companies: General Motors, Carrier, Syracuse China, Smith-Corona, Franklin automobiles and my personal favorite, Marsellus Casket. Unfortunately, as went manufacturing, so went the local economy. None of the above is still here. About the only thing we manufacture here is excuses.
For all intents and purposes, at this time we’re banking on Syracuse University to be the driving engine behind our renewal. And for the most part, that seems to be finally working. It’s somewhat troubling to be putting your hopes into one source, but others seem to be finally catching on. But we’re still limited in some ways by our location. Syracuse happens to be in the middle of New York. And unless you count The City, no one wants to be here any more. The economy inhaled gas years ago and Albany seems intent on extracting every dime left behind by the Federal government. Catch-22.
But believe it or not, there is spring after the deepest winter. The good news is that SU kept us going, attracting other development, new buildings, companies coming back into the city.
We’ve got an on again-off again mega mall being built. The story behind that could fill several pages, but let’s put it this way – I refer to it as the Big Empty. After several dormant months, there is a construction guy on site and the expansion may be complete before the world ends, but just barely.
We’ve got a 50 year old freeway (they don’t call them that here, it’s my contribution to the local lexicon) called Interstate 81. For 49 years it has been crumbling. I’m no engineer, so I don’t understand the chemical reactions in play, but salt causes steel to rust and concrete to break apart. And the elevated sections of I-81 are, surprisingly, concrete and steel. And you probably know we get snow. So what do they use on the roads to melt the snow? Yep – salt. We didn’t get the nickname ‘Salt City’ for no reason. We’ve got billions of tons of the stuff. Gotta do something with it! Anyway, they’ve been trying to figure out for the 20+ years I’ve been here what to do with I-81 when it reaches the end of its useful life. Some would argue that’s already been, but they’re just carping. They’re just bitter that the same section has to be rebuilt every year or two, taking up to a year to do it. Some of the potential solutions have been interesting: burying it, like Boston did. Making it street level. Making it into a boulevard. Blowing up the city entirely and relocating it to Arizona. OK, I made that last one up, but it’s got potential.
We’ve got Armory Square, which is a poor man’s attempt at turning part of the city into Bohemia or at least Greenwich Village. It’s what makes a university city something special – funky shops, non-chain restaurants, etc. It’s small but may finally be growing. It’s anchored on one end by the Museum of Science and Technology, which has an IMAX theater and many cool displays.
There are currently a few different projects going on in downtown proper. Don’t laugh, but one of the more significant ones is moving the bus terminal.
Yeah, the bus terminal. And terminal is an appropriate word for it. Currently, the main transfer location is on the main north-south drag through town (not counting I-81). It’s crowded, with dozens of buses daily, and seems to have taken on an underlife of its own. Syracuse suffers from many of the issues found in other urban settings, although probably not as bad. The fact of the matter is that when you have many people in a crowded area, sometimes people become frightened and sometimes predators lurk. It’s certainly not Baltimore, nor even Rochester, but the area has become, well, blighted. So one of the solutions is thought to be to move the transfer point a few blocks away while concurrently rebuilding some of the century-old buildings in the vicinity. There is a three block stretch being transformed, including a beautiful old theater. That theater is being expanded and remodeled to what could be a showcase. The stage expansion will be able to handle bigger Broadway-style shows.
A few years ago, the stadium where the AAA minor league Syracuse Chiefs played was no longer viable. The debate then was to build a new stadium downtown. Sadly, that didn’t happen, because it would have probably sparked the rebuilding of downtown much sooner. It was instead located next to the old ballpark on the north end of the city. But that story begs the question: who pays for all this rebuilding?
Because the ballpark was owned by the county, it was paid for by a combination of county and state funds. As I recall, virtually no private money went into it. And that’s where the problems begin.
Public funding of building projects is a hot-button topic for many. Eminent Domain factors into the equation as well. But let’s look at funding.
Part of the issue is that building a stadium of any size is outrageously expensive. And to build something like a Yankee Stadium or anything at that level costs billions. Team owners, those who ultimately benefit from them, are loath to have to pay, especially when they can hold the city or the state hostage. And don’t think they won’t play that card. Witness the New York Jets and the New York Giants professional football teams – do you think by their names that they’d play in New York? Nope. Partly because the cities where they used to be located didn’t pony up enough money to keep them. And that’s the argument. Let’s say you’re living in, oh, Billings, Montana. Let’s say a major league team wants to move there but only if you’re willing to bond (i.e. pay for) a stadium. Now, being from Montana you have enough sense to say no. What would you get for your tax dollars? Traffic, for one. That doesn’t sound like a fair deal.
But some cities thrive on the prestige of having a team. And that’s OK, as long as they’re happy with paying out for someone (or several someones) benefit.
But juxtapose that with revitalizing a city. Does public financing make sense? Sure it does. Believe it or not, blight costs. More crime, more police presence, no revenue from businesses generating sales tax. Think Gotham City before Batman.
Now you dump billions, mortgaging the future, guaranteeing every citizen a higher tax burden for eternity. Does that make sense? At the very least you have the intangible called civic pride. At most you have new places, new businesses and a broader tax base which generates more to the city for more improvements, more services or (gasp) tax reductions.
Is everybody happy with it? Nope. You’ve got NIMBYs everywhere (Not In My Back Yard). These folks want to preserve the status quo regardless of how bad it is. They don’t like change, they don’t want to take a chance on improving anything because you’re taking them out of what they’ve grown complacent with. They’d wear the same socks everyday because they’ve just got them broken in.
Fortunately, in Syracuse anyway, the NIMBYs are out of luck for the time being. Good for them. Maybe it will keep businesses and people around for awhile.
No, we’re talking the city proper. You know, the urban landscape.
Syracuse, along with several other Upstate New York cities (Buffalo, Rochester, Watertown, Binghamton, Utica, Schenectady, Albany) is a ghost from cities past. They’re like many legacy cities from the industrial northeast, the Rust Belt. And like Marley’s ghost foretold, pay attention if you don’t want it happening to you.
After years of false starts and broken dreams, it’s déjà vu all over again. We’re starting another renaissance attempt. Maybe this time it will happen. But at what cost, and who’s picking up the tab?
Over the past couple of years I visited my old hometown of Riverside, California a handful of times. Prior to the most recent financial meltdown, Riverside had bonded almost a billion dollars for their renewal projects. Things such as road realignment, park renewal, railroad underpasses and general beautification were to be done to bring the city back to life. Of course even then you knew it wouldn’t be enough. Heck, to dig a roadway under a railroad must cost close to $500 million, right? Even if it’s ‘only’ half that amount, you can’t do too many of those before you’re resorting to picking up pennies from the street to pay the bills.
And Riverside was nowhere near the shape that Syracuse is in.
Back in the day, Syracuse was blessed. It had the good fortune to be built on the Erie Canal, which at one time was like the autobahn. There were all sorts of manufacturing companies: General Motors, Carrier, Syracuse China, Smith-Corona, Franklin automobiles and my personal favorite, Marsellus Casket. Unfortunately, as went manufacturing, so went the local economy. None of the above is still here. About the only thing we manufacture here is excuses.
For all intents and purposes, at this time we’re banking on Syracuse University to be the driving engine behind our renewal. And for the most part, that seems to be finally working. It’s somewhat troubling to be putting your hopes into one source, but others seem to be finally catching on. But we’re still limited in some ways by our location. Syracuse happens to be in the middle of New York. And unless you count The City, no one wants to be here any more. The economy inhaled gas years ago and Albany seems intent on extracting every dime left behind by the Federal government. Catch-22.
But believe it or not, there is spring after the deepest winter. The good news is that SU kept us going, attracting other development, new buildings, companies coming back into the city.
We’ve got an on again-off again mega mall being built. The story behind that could fill several pages, but let’s put it this way – I refer to it as the Big Empty. After several dormant months, there is a construction guy on site and the expansion may be complete before the world ends, but just barely.
We’ve got a 50 year old freeway (they don’t call them that here, it’s my contribution to the local lexicon) called Interstate 81. For 49 years it has been crumbling. I’m no engineer, so I don’t understand the chemical reactions in play, but salt causes steel to rust and concrete to break apart. And the elevated sections of I-81 are, surprisingly, concrete and steel. And you probably know we get snow. So what do they use on the roads to melt the snow? Yep – salt. We didn’t get the nickname ‘Salt City’ for no reason. We’ve got billions of tons of the stuff. Gotta do something with it! Anyway, they’ve been trying to figure out for the 20+ years I’ve been here what to do with I-81 when it reaches the end of its useful life. Some would argue that’s already been, but they’re just carping. They’re just bitter that the same section has to be rebuilt every year or two, taking up to a year to do it. Some of the potential solutions have been interesting: burying it, like Boston did. Making it street level. Making it into a boulevard. Blowing up the city entirely and relocating it to Arizona. OK, I made that last one up, but it’s got potential.
We’ve got Armory Square, which is a poor man’s attempt at turning part of the city into Bohemia or at least Greenwich Village. It’s what makes a university city something special – funky shops, non-chain restaurants, etc. It’s small but may finally be growing. It’s anchored on one end by the Museum of Science and Technology, which has an IMAX theater and many cool displays.
There are currently a few different projects going on in downtown proper. Don’t laugh, but one of the more significant ones is moving the bus terminal.
Yeah, the bus terminal. And terminal is an appropriate word for it. Currently, the main transfer location is on the main north-south drag through town (not counting I-81). It’s crowded, with dozens of buses daily, and seems to have taken on an underlife of its own. Syracuse suffers from many of the issues found in other urban settings, although probably not as bad. The fact of the matter is that when you have many people in a crowded area, sometimes people become frightened and sometimes predators lurk. It’s certainly not Baltimore, nor even Rochester, but the area has become, well, blighted. So one of the solutions is thought to be to move the transfer point a few blocks away while concurrently rebuilding some of the century-old buildings in the vicinity. There is a three block stretch being transformed, including a beautiful old theater. That theater is being expanded and remodeled to what could be a showcase. The stage expansion will be able to handle bigger Broadway-style shows.
A few years ago, the stadium where the AAA minor league Syracuse Chiefs played was no longer viable. The debate then was to build a new stadium downtown. Sadly, that didn’t happen, because it would have probably sparked the rebuilding of downtown much sooner. It was instead located next to the old ballpark on the north end of the city. But that story begs the question: who pays for all this rebuilding?
Because the ballpark was owned by the county, it was paid for by a combination of county and state funds. As I recall, virtually no private money went into it. And that’s where the problems begin.
Public funding of building projects is a hot-button topic for many. Eminent Domain factors into the equation as well. But let’s look at funding.
Part of the issue is that building a stadium of any size is outrageously expensive. And to build something like a Yankee Stadium or anything at that level costs billions. Team owners, those who ultimately benefit from them, are loath to have to pay, especially when they can hold the city or the state hostage. And don’t think they won’t play that card. Witness the New York Jets and the New York Giants professional football teams – do you think by their names that they’d play in New York? Nope. Partly because the cities where they used to be located didn’t pony up enough money to keep them. And that’s the argument. Let’s say you’re living in, oh, Billings, Montana. Let’s say a major league team wants to move there but only if you’re willing to bond (i.e. pay for) a stadium. Now, being from Montana you have enough sense to say no. What would you get for your tax dollars? Traffic, for one. That doesn’t sound like a fair deal.
But some cities thrive on the prestige of having a team. And that’s OK, as long as they’re happy with paying out for someone (or several someones) benefit.
But juxtapose that with revitalizing a city. Does public financing make sense? Sure it does. Believe it or not, blight costs. More crime, more police presence, no revenue from businesses generating sales tax. Think Gotham City before Batman.
Now you dump billions, mortgaging the future, guaranteeing every citizen a higher tax burden for eternity. Does that make sense? At the very least you have the intangible called civic pride. At most you have new places, new businesses and a broader tax base which generates more to the city for more improvements, more services or (gasp) tax reductions.
Is everybody happy with it? Nope. You’ve got NIMBYs everywhere (Not In My Back Yard). These folks want to preserve the status quo regardless of how bad it is. They don’t like change, they don’t want to take a chance on improving anything because you’re taking them out of what they’ve grown complacent with. They’d wear the same socks everyday because they’ve just got them broken in.
Fortunately, in Syracuse anyway, the NIMBYs are out of luck for the time being. Good for them. Maybe it will keep businesses and people around for awhile.
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