Take it for what it's worth...

I am blessed.

As I write those simple words while waiting for a flight from Los Angeles back to my home, it is striking how simple they sound. And yet how profound they are. In that light, it will likely be a challenge to keep from crying in front of several hundred fellow travelers.
It’s a concept that I’ve just recently become aware. More to the point, it’s something that has taken on new texture. I’m not a big believer in ‘luck’ but freely acknowledge that I’ve been a very lucky person. That probably adds another layer to realizing my good fortune.
This trip didn’t start off as a positive. Really it was more of a rescue, an assist to my parents. That it occurred over the Thanksgiving holiday was coincidence of timing.

My mother is 81. Dad is 82. Three days after her 81st birthday, Mom had a laminectomy and spinal fusion. I won’t get into the medical theory behind it, but it is a tough surgery, especially for an 81 year old. That was just the beginning.
While in the hospital, Mom contracted MRSA – Methicillin Resistant Staphylococcus Aureus. That is an infection that is common in hospitals, and can result in potentially life-threatening infections. It’s ugly because it is resistant to many antibiotics. For further information, here’s the Mayo Health link to the story:
MRSA
In Mom’s case, it made recovery from the surgery more difficult, although no one knew it at this point.
She was released to a rehabilitation facility where the routine recovery steps were taken. Mostly this consisted of walking and physical therapy to regain her strength and re-learn how to walk. Partially because of the surgery and its after effects and partially because of the MRSA she lost all appetite. These factors contributed to her downward spiral.
Somehow she got the impression she could live on Ensure, and basically that became her diet. No one at the rehab facility would force her to eat normally, simply because they can’t. Once she was released home, she maintained that (non)eating pattern. Between that and the MRSA, she became weaker, rapidly losing any desire to walk or exercise. The inevitable result was that she fell down.
Complicating this scenario is Dad’s condition. He’s been suffering from a leg ulcer that hasn’t completely healed after two years. In combination with the normal wear and tear of getting older, he has had more and more trouble getting up from a chair, let alone walking.

And after getting home…
I’ve let the above stew for a few days. Partly because it was difficult to write on the plane with others around. Partly because I just wanted to get home and spend time with my wife. Partly because, frankly, it was getting tough to think about this all waking hours, and several hours when I should have been sleeping. Other thoughts flooded back, including work. But mostly because it’s hard to wrap my head around what has happened, what needs to happen and what will happen.

Long story short, Mom continues to deteriorate, ever so slowly. She has difficulty eating enough to keep her alive, due to lack of appetite, depression and now nausea. Fortunately we’ve got a support staff starting to come together so that hopefully she will recover enough to enjoy life again.

So what does this have to do with gratitude? How could one possibly feel blessed under these circumstances?

Ever since my son’s accident I’ve noticed a change in my own attitude. Essentially it’s a matter of recognizing some bad things happen and that they are more worthy of concern than the mundane irritations. Mike’s accident provided a reason to get on my knees and ask for help. Understanding that so much is out of your control is humbling, but it’s also rewarding in that you know you have no influence on the matter, so you are relieved of the responsibility of fixing it. In Mom’s case, it’s knowing that I can help how and when I can help, but I can’t cure her. We can make arrangements for doctors, treatment, household services and personal care. We can ask for guidance and help from the professionals, but it has become more useful to ask for help from our Creator. That has given much easing of our burden. It hasn’t removed it entirely, nor should it. Nor should it absolve us of our duties as loved ones to practice due diligence. But it’s apparent to me that we don’t have to carry the burden ourselves. And for that, I am grateful.

To realize that there are people important in our lives that are willing to help. To know that our extended families are supportive has been a blessing. You know who you are, and I thank you.

The comments and support given by friends and co-workers. Friends have put Mom on their Church prayer list. I am grateful for this.

The concern expressed by my ex-wife. Cindy worked with my parents for a few years and they grew terribly fond of each other. Thank you.

The love and support from my wife, Darlene, is incredible. She knows Mom well, and they are great buddies. It is gratifying to see that relationship, but heartbreaking that they’re so many miles away from each other.

But most importantly, the ability to spend time with my family. That's something never to take for granted, because you just never know.

So yes, for all mentioned previously, and more, I am blessed.

On getting older

One of the benefits in being young is the ability to see things clearly.  There is wrong, there is right.  There is right, there is left.  There is up, there is down.  There is no gray, no indecision, there is my way or the highway.

And then you age.  And then you tend to see nuances, to see the shadows in the light.  You understand that what you think is subject to constant revision, if not indecision.  You can follow the logical course of an action and figure out what may be the end result.  As our parents told us many years ago, you learn to think before you act, or at least understand possible ramifications in your actions.  But if you’re like me, you have the impulse from time to time to just do it, just take the action, regardless of the outcome.  That can be a bad thing.

So it’s in this mindset of shadows and light we look at a recent event that’s caused some agita for a lot of thoughtful people.

Before I begin, it must be said that I have no personal knowledge of the events to be described.  I’m only taking it on the word of others, and what’s been published.

Apparently there was a e-book for sale on Amazon.com called "The Pedophile's Guide to Love and Pleasure: A Child-Lover's Code of Conduct".  According to the author, it was written to ‘address what he considers unfair portrayals of pedophiles in the media.’  Further, he maintains that true pedophiles would never hurt a child.  This, of course, is pure baloney.

The self-publication of this tome along with the listing on Amazon.com prompted a furious backlash.  One doesn’t have to think very much to figure out why this has led to many attempts to organize boycotts against Amazon.  There have been calls for banning the sale of this as well as other actions.  It would not be surprising to hear that someone finds out who the creep was who wrote it and assassinated him.

Well meaning people have taken these types of actions before, on various subjects.  Does anyone remember Tipper Gore before Al gave her the kiss at the convention?  She led the fight to get what is now commonly seen on CDs – the ubiquitous Parental Advisory.  Some countries where civil liberties are not part of their national identity burn books.  Salman Rushdie published “The Satanic Verses” and is still under fatwa. 

This is in no way a defense of the subject matter of the e-book.  It is as reprehensible, as despicable as anything I can imagine.  The parent part of me wants to destroy the practice as well as the author.  On the scale of evil, this certainly must rank near the top.  And as the father of a victim of pedophilia, there is no worse anguish imaginable to see your child go through.  Even though several years have passed, it is constantly on my mind.  And internally I cry often for what my daughter has lived through and the impact it has made on her life.  She will never be able to erase the memories, and the memories will are a constant companion for her.  In some ways, it has destroyed her life.  Thankfully, she does not have the victim mentality.  But the person responsible for this is to this day walking free.  I cannot tell you how often I’ve dreamed of maiming him, of extracting more than a pound of flesh for his crime.  Fortunately, I do believe in eternal judgment, and have to trust that he will pay the price for what damage he has done.

But.

I am also mindful of the liberties we enjoy.  And those liberties include the right of free speech, regardless of the content, regardless of how disgusting it might be.  One of the problems with a boycott are that it creates a ‘crash scene’ mentality.  It draws undue attention to the subject of the boycott.  It gives the author the notoriety they crave.  And that by itself may lead to bigger sales than would occur if ignored.

Banning the e-book?  Absolutely foolish.  People are drawn to what they are forbidden to see.

From a marketing standpoint, Amazon initially took the position (at least publicly) that they would never infringe upon the sacred right of free speech.  From a public relations standpoint this was about as dumb as you could get.  What did Amazon hope to gain?  If it was to prove that they would stand for free speech, guess again.  As of today, the e-book has been pulled.  So much for standing on principle.

My concern is that when people talk about banning anything, the civil liberties portion of my brain starts to tingle.  This is not an endorsement of the ACLU, however.  That organization has, in my opinion, crossed over the line far too often to be of any real value.  But I would not deny Robert Mapplethorpe the right to display his “art”, I would not have denied Anton La Vey his right to espouse whatever doctrine he chose, I would not deny the Klan the ability to perpetuate their putrid hatred.  Because at the end of the day, who would be the one to decide what is acceptable?  If, for example, an administration somehow got a law passed to deny the right to protest their decisions, we would be far worse off than now.

This is not a time to stick our heads in the sand.  It is the time to make sure we are vigilant in protecting our rights – even the right to be wrong.

You’re wrong, I’m right! No, I’m wrong, you’re right! Wait a minute!!

There’s an old saying about disagreeing without being disagreeable.  Whatever happened to that concept?

Of course, I’m talking about politics.  Actually, it could be about everyday life, simply because so much of it has been politicized.  What used to be discussed over the backyard fence with your neighbor has now been hijacked by the talking heads that command so much of the airwaves.  And instead of being joked about or minimized so that it wouldn’t become a sore point between friends, now they command the attention of millions several days in a row.

Let’s start by getting the names you know out there.  Rush Limbaugh.  Sean Hannity.  Glenn Beck.  Keith Olbermann.  Bill Maher.  Jon Stewart.  Bill O’Reilly.  Michael Savage.  Dennis Miller.  Steven Colbert.  Geraldo Rivera.  Chris Matthews.  Ann Coulter.  Michael Medved.  Michael Moore.  Laura Ingraham. And a blast from the past, Joe Pyne.   Lots more, but you’re starting to see how pervasive it is.  Add into that the number of celebrities who are pushing one agenda or another regardless of their credentials and you start to get the impression that either you have a show or you’re opinion doesn’t count.

Aside from the obvious, what can you find in common about all of those above?  Here’s a hint – no matter which side they choose to bash, they really aren’t all that different.

A good friend of mine since the last century, Paul, mentioned that he’d heard another commentator, Mike McConnell, say that there are more similarities than either side would admit.  And he’s right.

What has this done to the normal discourse?  Further, does the vitriol spewed by so many of the folks reflect the country at large, or is it merely feeding the fire?  In other words, is political commentary the cause or the effect of how polarized we are today?

And here’s a scary thought: is the divisiveness we’re seeing today leading us toward the sectarian Balkanization we see in other countries?

This country has always been portrayed as the safe haven for dissenters, no matter how wacky.  Yet it seems that we’re insulating ourselves from opinions not quite like our own and labeling practitioners of opposing views as evil, un-American, intolerant, stupid, insolent and morally bereft.

It’s becoming less like the America I want to live in.

It crosses all sorts of lines: racial, ethnic, gender, age, political party, wealth, education, you name it.

Now for the disclosure: I have for some time been described by my parents as just to the right of Genghis Khan.  However, that’s not entirely accurate either.  Conservatives would disown me because I happen to disagree with some of their standards.  For example, I don’t believe that every “real American” is entitled to own assault rifles, bazookas or an F-22 Raptor.  In fact, I’d feel much safer if very few had guns, sort of like Great Britain.

I think that campaign finance reform as we know it is a joke.  The Supreme Court decision was disturbing.  And term limits should be in place for every elected politician.

There is a place for generosity and giving assistance to those who cannot fend for themselves.  However, it should not be a birthright for their children or grandchildren.

What’s interesting is that the political lines have shifted over the years.  What was espoused by John Kennedy is in some cases seen as part of the moderate Republican agenda.  Kennedy understood the problems of over taxation.  He understood the need for people to volunteer and that little G government could not and should not be the source of answers for all of society’s needs.

Eisenhower spoke about the dangers of the military-industrial complex.

In the past two thousand years philosophers and historians have dissected what destroyed the Roman Empire.  Much of it was hubris, much of it was the Government being the end all, be all.  In some cases we seem to be repeating that now.

But I digress.  We were discussing the current state of affairs.

Another old friend from school, Willie, posted an interesting comment on Facebook: “Ok Tea Party/Republicans.  You pretty much got what you wanted so now it's all on you.  When you get sworn in on January 3, 2011 I expect to wake up on January 4, 2011 with a fully restored economy and every American in a full time job.. I'll extend you the same amount of patience and support as you gave to the current administration. No excuses about needing time to turn things around.”

At first I dismissed Willie’s comment as being sour grapes.  But upon further review, he has a point – although I’m not sure he’d agree with my assessment.  I think Willie’s distress at the outcome of the election is a commentary on the divide and the lack of civility we experience daily.  Whether you agree with him or not is moot; what matters is that his comments mirror the same sentiments you hear from one side or the other.  And that’s the disturbing thing.

So we’ve come to this.  It’s the natural human desire to vanquish your enemies, but it’s been ratcheted up by the politicization of virtually everything in life.  It’s more than a lack of civility – it’s our seeming inability to discuss things rationally without becoming upset with the messenger.  The virtue of disagreeing without being disagreeable.

While you can certainly look back at our history and find the cartoons of Thomas Nash or records of politicians demonizing their opponents (remember the history lesson of Senator Preston Brooks caning Senator Charles Sumner), you can also look back at the more recent history of Tip O’Neill and Ronald Reagan.  This almost brings back fond memories of backroom political deals in smoke-filled kitchens.  O’Neill and Reagan, while rarely in agreement politically, became pretty good friends.  There are stories about how the two would get together after hours and share a drink and compromise for the good of the people.  Whether you think it was wise or not, it did show that rare commodity, civility.

Perhaps we need a good stiff shot of that lesson.

Oh, is there an election this year?

Depending on how this goes, this post could be the first of several.  Or it could be a one-off.  Mostly it depends on what happens Tuesday.

I remember growing up hearing that ‘the youth of today’ were the worst, the times were worse than at any other time in history, the country was sliding straight to Hell, the world had more dangerous things happening that ever, that the Left or the Right or the Middle would be the ruination of us all, that the world was coming to an end, blah, blah, blah.  With a little age and perspective I realized that every generation had said that about their times.  Hey, you mention it enough, sooner or later someone will look like they know what they’re talking about.

And then there’s this year.

The ones getting the press are the fire-breathers on both sides, the talking heads, the true believers and the tea-partiers.  Whatever happened to being rational?  Moderation?  Forget about it.  You’re either drinking the Kool-Aid on one side or the other.  You’re either part of the problem or you don’t count.

Now for the sake of disclosure, I tend to be fairly conservative when it comes to governing.  I believe the Federal government needs to protect our borders from assault by a foreign power, but not from lawful immigration.  They need to do the big things, like underwrite the space program.  They need to help protect our resources from destruction by whoever is bent on destroying them.  They need to protect parks, national monuments and the environment.  They need to deliver the mail.  They should ensure that corporations behave responsibly.  There are more uses for the Federal government, but not many.

The states should have the right and the duty to provide reasonable aid to those who can’t provide for themselves.  Reasonable in that here’s a hand and some help getting you back on your own two feet.  States should have the ability to have fair elections, without gerrymandering.  Again, there are many other things the States should be responsible for.

But here’s the deal: A lot of the stuff that Washington is doing should be left to the States.  A lot of stuff the States and the Feds are doing shouldn’t be done at all.  Basically, get out of the citizen’s lives unless they NEED the help.  Government has started abridging our rights and freedoms under the guise of protecting us.  Yes, we may be more protected if we continue giving up rights and freedoms.  After all, China, North Korea, Iran Saudi Arabia, Syria, Libya and Cuba don’t seem to have too many terroristic issues.  But would you want to live like them?

We’re in a Catch-22.  Not too many like where we’re going or where we’ve been.  Yet people are convinced that they can’t change anything, they can’t do anything about it.  So they don’t vote.  And things don’t change.  And when they do vote, chances are better than even that they’re not sure why they’re voting for a candidate, the the candidate isn’t as repugnant as the other.  To paraphrase: Nobody likes the weather but nobody does anything about it. 

So why would a candidate run for office?  Most candidates would say it’s because they want to contribute to society, they have something to offer, all the altruistic things.  And some candidates probably even believe that, or used to.  But the never-ending cynic says that it’s about the power.  And money.  One tends to lead to the other.  Otherwise, why would you have a candidate for Governor in California (hint: she’s a woman) spending $140 million of her own money to win a job that pays, what, $174,000 a year?  I’m not picking on Meg Whitman – I don’t know her from Eve.  I know she’s running behind Jerry Brown, old Moonbeam himself.  And why is he running?  He was Governor for two terms (a few years after his dad was booted from office).  After Jerry left he became Mayor in Oakland.  He’s been a politician since birth and it’s doubtful he’s ever had a job not in politics.

Mario, er, Andrew Cuomo is all but elected in New York.  Why?  Probably because it’s his birthright.  Oh, yeah, then there’s the fact that there are some little people running against him, who together won’t pull the votes Andy does.  And he’s raised some $37MM to run his campaign.  Why does he get that much?  Well, Unions, Corporations and Wealthy People want something, obviously.  They’re not stupid.  They’re betting on a sure thing.  Why?  Access.

So if you live in Merced, California or Batavia, New York and you earn $35,000 a year and have a mortgage that hasn’t been foreclosed and a car or two that still runs, what does this matter?  What will Jerry or Andrew or Meg or Carl or any of the other candidates do for you?

Not a stinkin’ thing.

Sorry to be blunt, but think about it.  If you’ve gotten a call from Bill Clinton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Barack Obama, George Bush, George Pataki, Pat Boone, Michael Steele or any other used-to-be-heavyweight/never-quite-a-heavyweight, do you think for a moment that they know who you are, or what you want?  Forget about it.  Although it was pretty creepy when I got a call from Pat Boone yesterday, who said, “Hello, Richard”.  Yeah, I think the implant must have beamed to the satellite.

No, you’re the token.  Or the prize.  Or the pawn.  You’re the one they want to vote for them and their Grand Plan to save us from the evils out there from the other party.  Or else, if they’re really thinking (or they’re the incumbent) they don’t want you to vote at all.  Why?  Because if people stay away from polls the incumbent almost always wins.

So who are getting the ‘messages’ out?  PACS.  Special Interest groups.  They’re the ones raising the cash and doling it out.  They’re the ones responsible for the deluge of robo-calls, not explaining what their candidate will do but why the others are beyond reprehensible.  They’ll drive you crazy, sort of like what happened to Laurence Harvey (or Liev Schreiber for you young whippersnappers) in The Manchurian Candidate.  You’ll be confused by the claims, counter-claims, deceptions, statistics and promises.  You’ll be so disgusted you probably won’t vote.  This year, as mad as people are about how the Republicans or the Democrats or the Independents or the Federalists or the Whigs have screwed things up, it’ll be a surprise if there’s a 40% turnout nationwide.

Why should you vote?  Your vote doesn’t mean anything.  It won’t change anything.  Things will still get better or get worse or stay the same.  Politicians will still lie, cheat and steal.  The winners will put their contributors and supporters and friends into a job or in line for a government deal.  Or they’ll steer contracts.  After all, isn’t having access the most important thing?

Well, maybe that’s right.  Maybe your vote won’t do anything.  Well, to steal a line from the Lottery, you gotta be in it to win it.  Basically it comes down to this.  If you don’t get off your kiester and vote, you have no right to complain.  After all, you didn’t take the time to try to change it.

Now does that mean to vote just to vote?  Please, no, don’t do that.  We have some responsibilities in this country.  Think of it as the price to pay for what freedoms we still have left.  One of those responsibilities is to be educated enough to make an intelligent vote.  Yeah, sometimes you’ll have to hold your nose to vote for one over another.  But trust me, if you don’t, the other side always wins.

Better yet, think about running for an office yourself.  If you get involved for altruistic reasons, like you really do want to contribute or to make a difference, you might be a great candidate.  Start with something small, like your school board.  Learn what you can and use that knowledge to make the changes you believe in.

But when you succeed and your ego gets in the way it’s time to retire.

This year, I figure if you’re the incumbent and I don’t like where you’re party is leading us, you are not getting my vote.  As Yogi might say, “Trow da bums out!”

Yeah, there’ll be more later.  I’m just getting warmed up.

So long, Ma…

Barbara Jean Becker passed away yesterday morning at age 78.  You probably don’t know Barb, probably had never heard of her.  Heck, this may be the first time she’s ever been mentioned on the web.

Who was Barb Becker?

She is half of my kids’ grandmother.  She’s the mother of my ex-wife.  As far as ex-mothers-in-law, she was the best.  As far as a person, she was one of the best.

Let me tell you a little bit about her.

I first met her in 1984 when Cindy and I started to go out.  Barb took me right in and made me feel welcome immediately.  There were stories about her doing that all the time – taking in strays.  Most of the time they were human.  She didn’t seem to have any issues trusting someone from the start.  And usually she was right.  I don’t recall hearing any stories of how she’d been taken advantage of.  She would feed folks who were hungry.  This isn’t to say she ran a boarding house, but if you were a friend of one of her kids, you were good to go.

She was Mrs. Cleaver in a day when many women were starting to find the need to get out of the house and earn money, or self-respect, or just a break from being Mrs. Cleaver.  She seemed to enjoy that role, and it fit her.  She was forever baking something good.  It may not have been good for you, but you can rest assured no one cared.

She raised seven kids, six to adulthood.  At an early age, her second son Dougie was hit and killed by a drunk driver.  As devastating as that was, she was to have more tragedy as the years passed.  Her youngest son, Tommy, passed away in his early thirties.  Just last year, her eldest boy Alan passed away.  She endured cancer, pneumonia and other assorted maladies.

Yet she didn’t ever lose her sunny optimism or her ability to see the best in all situations.

Barb was a simple woman.  She had simple tastes and doted on her family.  She never learned to drive.  She had hobbies and crafts, including making figurines out of stones.  For one birthday she made a likeness of me on a putting green out of little painted stones.  I still have that.

We couldn’t have been much more different, she and I.  She was always saying something nice about someone.  She saw good in people.  I was the opposite.

When Cindy and I divorced, Barb didn’t boot me as she might have.  For two or three years, she continued to send birthday and Christmas presents and cards.  She was gracious when on one or two times I’d stop by to say hello.  But after a short period I’d stopped going by, and asked Cindy to tell her mom to stop sending me stuff.  It felt awkward to me, but it probably didn’t to her.

I last saw her at Alan’s service a little more than a year ago.  Considering the circumstances, she was in remarkably good spirits.  To have had three of her seven children predecease her must have been more than she could bear, but you never knew it by seeing or talking with her.  She was starting to slow down, but seemed to downplay her own condition.

Forget the stereotyped mother-in-law (although I did have one of them).  My final MIL is a wonderful woman, similar to Barb.  But I couldn’t have a better ex-MIL.

The world should have many more Barb Beckers.  Glad you got your new hip, Ma.  You’re going to need it chasing your three boys around.  Take care.  We’ll miss you.

Apple, Part 2

As a follow-up to yesterday's post, here is how Satya from Apple/ITunes replied.
"Rick, please try to understand that as per the iTunes Terms of Sale, the customer is responsible for the protection of their account, and they are responsible for all purchases made. Also, please understand that if any king of unauthorized activity occurs on any account, then it becomes a legal matter. Normally, we are supposed to direct our customers to the proper authorities and then our fraud team provides the investigates about the charges only after receiving proper chargeback orders for the unauthorized purchases. This procedure takes a long time, but as you are a valued iTunes Store customer, iTunes Store refunded the amount and had to mention this as an exception." (Note that this is a copy and paste, and any spelling errors are not mine).
Not to be a curmudgeon, but while I understand the thinking that I am responsible for my own account it's hard to believe that their corporate policy is that they don't bear responsibility in the security of the customer's information on their servers! To me, this is akin to a retail company, like Sears, saying that if someone hacks their system and steals customer information and makes unauthorized purchases that the customer is responsible.
Of course, it's probably buried somewhere in the fine print. Apple/ITunes account information has been changed, but you can bet that if this happens again it will be the last time.

Apple and Identity Theft

Here it is, late in 2010 and for the first time I may actually have been the victim of identity theft.  May because the jury is still out on this one.

I received an email from ITunes this morning thanking me for an order I’d placed.  The order consisted of something called SleepUp! (5X Deep Sleep) and WeDict Pro.  The total was $11.86, including tax.  This was charged to my credit card kept on file with Apple.  Helpfully, ITunes provides a handy feature entitled ‘Those who bought your selections also bought’, which lists three items: 4000 (then a bunch of Kanji characters) by Jeff Tang, ZingMp3 – Nghe nhac zing mp3 mien phi tren IPhone/IPod Touch by BUGUN Software and Cliffed XL by IUGO Mobil entertainment Inc.  I’m quite certain that had I actually made the purchase of the two things I was billed for there would have at least been a passing interest in viewing the other selections.

Except, of course, that I had made no such purchase, nor had I authorized anyone else to use my ITunes account or credit card.

This immediately cause a bit of concern.  I have never accessed my ITunes account from anywhere but home, and I’ve got the usual firewall and security software.

I clicked on the useful link http://www.apple.com/support/itunes/store/ because it said that there were answers to frequently asked questions.  Well, it seems that fraud must not be a frequent enough question.  There are no answers guiding you on that page for such a circumstance except the fine print offering you the ability to shop the Apple Online Store.  You see, not actually having made the purchases, I wasn’t even sure if the were music, books, plants, animals or minerals.  So I dutifully called the store and was told by the not-so-helpful person on the other line that I should go to http://expresslane.apple.com and would have the ability to either have an online chat or handle the issue by email.

But first I called the credit card issuer to make sure that they knew this was an unauthorized purchase.  They issued an immediate credit but then told me it may still appear on my next statement.  Huh?  Anyway, we seem to have gotten that resolved so at least the charge could be disputed if it does show up.

So back to Apple.  Remember the ability to have an online chat?  Uh, no.  No such beast.  So I ended up sending an email, hoping that someone would see it in my lifetime.

Well, they did.  Reasonably fast, too.  There was an email from them tonight (Satya was the service rep) apologizing for the inconvenience.  Satya said all the right things, and I was starting to get a warm, fuzzy feeling that all was right with the world.  Except of course for the scum who purchased something on my account in the first place.

Satya said that within 3 to 5 business days a refund for this purchase would be credited to my account.  But the next line caused the hairs on the back of my neck to rise:

“Please note that this is a one-time exception to our sales policy”.

What?  Does that mean if someone hacked into THEIR system and gained access to my account, Apple would be so kind as to give me credit for the first non-authorized purchase?  So by definition I guess that you can go in, get into my account and what the heck, make Ol’ Rick pay for it all.

This is not an open invitation.

So I just sent them an email thanking them, but asking for some clarification on this one-time exception.  Hopefully this is just lost in translation.  But I’ll let you know how seriously Apple takes their security obligations.

New York Politics

OK, a quickie. There was a debate at Hofstra University a few days ago for the gubernatorial candidates for New York. To get the true flavor of the mental midgets we have running for governor this year, here's the link: Governor's Debate
Since it's bedtime and since having 3 beers and a half bottle of wine, I will reserve comment until later. But unless you're from California, you might be surprised at the caliber of people running for this office.
It's a hoot...

And on a completely different topic...

Today feels almost like November 3. Weird. Why is that?

Because there wasn't one call from a telemarketer, survey taker or anyone else exempt from the Do Not Call registry. It's like falling into a parallel universe.

These calls have become the bane of existence for many of us. In some cases, they purport to be an independent survey company (Oh yeah? So why do none of them say 'Hi, I'm from Neilsen? Or JD Power? Or Quinnipiac College?' Hmmm?)

That's because they're shilling for somebody looking for a job.

Turn that around for a second. If you were, say, out of work in a lousy economy (that'll never happen in this country!), do you think you could afford to have a bunch of boiler-room refugees or *Honest - Work from home and get paid gazillions!* former day-traders call numbers at random and beg whoever was unlucky enough to answer the phone to hire you? As Yakov Smirnoff used to say, "What a country!"

So why is this so irritating? After all, isn't that what an answering machine is for?

Well, yes. But. Mixed in with calls from Capio Partners at 903-892-7400 and other lost souls, the phone has turned from a tool for my convenience into a weapon for whoever punches in my number.

I hear stories from time to time about landline use falling away. It's gotten so bad Verizon won't be publishing residential numbers any more. Everyone is wired by the Lt. Uhuru device implanted in their ear like some weird jewelry.

Don't believe it. If it were true, these parasites would find another way to annoy us.

Now, why would I pick on Capio Partners? Simple. They keep calling. And calling. Ad nauseum (A little Latin lingo there for you). Funny thing is, they never, ever have left a message. and on the one occasion where out of sheer meanness I answered the phone, fully intending to blast them with a dog whistle that only they could hear, there was nobody there. That really disappointed me.

So I looked them up one one of my best friends -
Who Called Us. This is a great website, because it validates what you've been muttering to yourself. It's filled with people griping about such callers, sometimes using rather interesting combinations of symbols, words missing letters and good old-fashioned profanity. It's not for the faint of heart.

So what do you do? Populate the box with the number that calls you. Most of the time it's an 800 number or some derivative, and the stories are the same: Robo calls, no answers, people selling stuff, collection agencies.

One thing people will sometimes do is drill into a company (they have more time and patience than I do) a find such interesting things as websites and phone numbers. That's how I found the stuff on Capio Partners.

It turns out that Capio Partners is a collection agency based out of Sherman, Texas (home office is in Georgia, though). Sherman is somewhere in the Dallas area, apparently. Capio Partners seem to specialize in medical dunning. Which is fascinating, because I have excellent health care (no thanks to the current knuckleheads) and owe no medical interest a dime.

And Dallas has a neat thing - a Better Business Bureau that takes web-based complaints. So I'm in the midst of finalizing the subject with BBB.

Interestingly, I've had no calls from Capio since the complaint was filed. Weird how that unknown bill must have evaporated.

Now if we could only get the political calls to do the same.

Life and Death and Parenting

Well, there's a terrific start to a blog.  Something deadly serious.  Sorry, there's no humor in this one.
What I'm about to relate is not a search for sympathy.  Nor is it for anyone to criticize.  You will undoubtedly have strong opinions on some of this, which is fine.  You'll understand later what I mean.
On Tuesday, October 16 at 1:45am my son Michael punched out from his job at a fast food restaurant.  He's 19 and a big boy - about 6'2".  He didn't get that from his stumpy old man.  As luck would have it, that day instead of taking his mother's Hyundai Santa Fe, he took her boyfriend's 1997 Ford Crown Victoria.  That is just the first improbability of the saga.  Mike lives with his mom, about 5 miles from his job.
At 19, you're an inexperienced driver.  That's just the nature of things.  Inexperienced drivers sometimes develop bad habits, such as speeding and hugging the shoulder of the road.  Both of these played a part in the story.
Mike estimated he was driving at least 60-65 miles per in a 55 zone.  As events played out it became apparent that Mike's estimate was, well, most likely inaccurate.
Mike recognized that he was hugging the shoulder of the road and overcompensated by pulling to the left.  This caused him to swerve across the double yellow line.  He saw an oncoming vehicle and again overcompensated to the right, this time losing control as the car left the roadway and headed for a minor ditch.  With the speed more likely in the 80+ range, this caused Mike to completely lose control, allowing the car to roll over.
It's not known how many times the car rolled.  It doesn't matter.  Probably 30 feet from where the car started to roll was a cross street.  Across that cross street stood a telephone and power pole, complete with street light and transformer.  All of a sudden you get the picture of where this is going.
The next day, there was no evidence on the cross street of gouging from the sheet metal on the car.  This leaves only a couple of possibilities: either the car rolled once and was on its wheels, or the car became airborne.
What is clear, though, is that the car slammed into the pole, shearing it off and dropping the transformer to the ground next to the driver's side door.
What had once been a 1997 Crown Vic was now a shattered hulk, its roof completely caved in, the front end jacked at about 45 degrees, the drive train shaped like a 'V'.  As rescuers said, no one should have survived that wreck.
Fortunately, there were two things working in Mike's favor.  The airbags deployed and the seat belt held him in place.
I know the last comment will get civil libertarians up in arms.  I've heard the arguments about seat belts causing bodily injury.  It doesn't matter.  Frankly, that's one of my prouder achievements, instilling the use of seat belts.  It saved his life.
When in a traumatic situation we do some really weird things.  There was a young man across the street who happened to be looking out his window when he saw the accident happen.  He came running across the street to see if there was anyone he could help.  By the time he'd gotten there, Mike had unbuckled the seat belt, unwedged himself from the collapsed interior, stood up and pushed the windshield out.  Mike looked at him and said, "Hey, did you go to my high school"?
Why he didn't get electrocuted when he got out of the car is a mystery.
Then he called his mother and told her that he was sorry, that her boyfriend would need to find another way to get to work.
My wife Darlene and I were visiting our daughter and her family in Raleigh, NC, about 12 hours away.  We got the call around 2:35am, about an hour after we'd gone to bed.  Mike's mom, Cindy, didn't know at first the extent of injury, as she'd just gotten to the scene.  Darlene and I decided to at least continue to rest before driving back to New York.  With one hour of sleep we probably would have had an accident ourselves.  Some time later, Cindy called back and said that Mike appeared to be OK and was talking.  That allowed us to relax some, at least enough to be able to drive back.
Mike's injuries?  A couple of scratches on his arms and a scratched spleen.  Yup, the seat belt probably caused the minor internal injury.  And you know what?  That's fine with us.  Because if he had not been belted in he would have been compacted or split open.  After less than 36 hours in the hospital, Mike was released in fine condition.
Now here's where it may become controversial.  Certainly within my own family there is divisiveness over what allowed Mike to live through this.  But in my own mind, there is no doubt that Divine Intervention was at play.
Cindy has three brothers that are deceased.  She believes that they were watching over Mike.
Our daughters are confirmed atheists (or at least agnostics) and likely do not think there was anything like the Hand of God.
As a recovered agnostic of many years, I have no doubt that the love of God was the deciding factor.  And my wife and I thank Him and praise Him for this blessing.
I don't know what Mike makes of all this yet.  I suspect it will take him some time to come to grips with this.  He says that he is fully aware of his mortality.  Hope so, because the alternative might be that he thinks himself bulletproof.  That would be tragic.  Whether it results in him changing his life is an open question.  One can but wish.
A parent should never outlive their children.  I can think of no greater pain than to lose a child.  Yet there may be degrees of that pain.  I've had a couple of childhood friends die young of cancer, when their parents were alive.  That would be devastating, yet it's hard to think that they didn't realize the probability of it happening.  But to lose a child in an accident must be far worse, because you have no idea it's coming.  I am thankful beyond words that did not happen now.
I thank you for your indulgence in relating this story.
The final thought is this: Please, all of you, wear your seat belts.  Make sure your passengers wear seat belts.  Think about it.  A 100 pound person loose in a vehicle going 50 miles an hour is going to hit whatever is in front of it with a force of roughly 2-1/2 tons.  At least that's my grade school understanding of inertia.  My son-in-law the brilliant guy will probably be able to set me straight on that.  But you absolutely want everyone belted in and every lose object stowed, preferably in the trunk.
Encourage your driving kids to wear their belts.  Death isn't cool.
Here is a video link to youtube for a 6-1/2 minute presentation on this.  Warning: graphic images are included.
Video Warning

A little about me...

There probably isn't anything much to explain.  After years of being a complainer, and having some folks say I write better than I speak, perhaps it's time to give this blogging thing a shot. PLEASE NOTE! That isn't patting myself on the back. It's just that I cannot speak coherently. Writing is a bit better!
Everybody has opinions.  That's one thing that make us human.  An interesting concept, this blogging - you can give incoherence a permanent home in cyberspace.  It doesn't allow for interruptions, either, so you can complete a thought without losing track of where you are.  That'll come in handy!
I'm an official old fart, born in 1953.  Had some bad stuff and some good stuff happen, like everyone.  And I've learned some stuff along the way.  I refuse to grow up, but am enjoying getting older.  I'm much more philosophical now, as most people get - more circumspect, more able to see other sides of an argument.  That's one interesting thing: usually when you get older the tendency is to become more set in your ways.  In some aspects it's true, but in others I find that a) it doesn't matter enough to me or b) your argument actually makes sense.
What will be discussed here?  Probably lots of politics (only because very little of it makes sense).  Music (but only the kinds I like).  Relationships (there's an open field for you).  Aging.  Sports.  Random musings.  Religion.  Values.  And along the way, maybe we'll all learn something.
Why is that?  Because I encourage all readers to leave comments.  Agree, disagree, it doesn't matter.  The only thing I request is that you keep it civil.  No name calling, no slander (unless it's about politicians - they've earned it).  No crudity.  That's one of my strengths, but we'll leave that for elsewhere.
Anyway, welcome to my world.  Hope you pull up a chair and set a spell, yak back and let's have a good time!