An Imaginary Conversation

Let's imagine that we are a fly on the wall when the negotiations for the new union contracts for New York State employees were discussed. For dramatic reasons let's assume that there are three people present plus the fly. You are the fly. The humans are Andrew Cuomo, Governor of New York, Danny Donahue, President of CSEA (Civil Service Employees Association) and Ken Brynien, President of PEF (Public Employees Federation). Please remember that this is an imaginary conversation that in no way reflects reality. For humorous purposes only. Void where prohibited.

Andrew Cuomo: "Well, boys, you know I was elected in a landslide with the mandate to change how things work in this great state. And I have to tell you that the public is storming the castle, trying to drive the monster of public employees out. You know darn well that I'm in a position of power. The public hates your constituents. We can't afford anything in terms of raises. Heck, we can't afford them now. So let's see what cuts can be made, OK?"
Danny Donahue: "Huh?"
Ken Brynien: "Sorry, Governor, did you say something? I was too busy cramming another doughnut."
AC: "Ken, you left a little cream filling on your third chin. Now, here's what I propose.
First, you will not get raises while I'm in office. Second, I will lay off 10% of the workforce. After all, I have friends I need to take care of. Third, the state will no longer contribute to the health plan. If your folks want health insurance, too bad. Go see what Obama has for you. He's going to make it so no one will have health care unless you contribute to his campaigns. Fourth, forget pensions. They're old fashioned, and only the rich will need them."
DD: "Mr. President, um, I mean Governor, pardon the interruption, but you know we supported you for the governorship. You can't treat us like that. We deserve respect!"
KB: "Yes, and how do you suppose we can jack up the union dues to support you and your friends if they don't have money?"
AC: "Hey, guys, lets get real. First, you all stayed neutral in my election. I didn't need or want your support. And I don't need you now. You guys are poison to me and my chances for higher elected office."
DD: "But Mr. Preside...ahh, I mean Governor, you know labor unions always support the Democrats. Oh, we'll say we support an occasional Republican if the Democrat is a pedophile, but that doesn't happen all that often. Who else are we going to support?"
KB: "And Mario...may I call you Mario?"
AC: "Ken, Mario is my father. Now I know you've been here too long."
KB: "Sorry, Andy. May I call you Andy? Would you prefer something else?"
AC: "Your Excellency would be fine."
KB: "Well, Your Excellency, you know we'd never be able to sell anything quite that draconian to the membership. And enough folks are going to retire in the next couple of years that you'll have plenty of places to put your friends in Consultant's titles. How about you give us a bone here or there?"
DD: "Yes, Excellency, how about making it, say, a five year contract? After all, most of the current folks will retire or be dead by the end of that contract. And don't forget the Triborough - if they agree to this then you can lock them in to another five or six years, because then you won't have to negotiate!"
AC: "But you know, I've staked much of my reputation on making hard decisions when no one else would, no matter who it hurt. And you know that Scott Walker and even that little creep Jerry Brown have been making Libertarians look like spendthrifts. Hey, I could just lay all of your folks off!"
KB and DD together: "Mein Fuehrer, certainly you wouldn't!"
AC: "Yeah? You think?"
DD: "Really, Governor, we have to come up with something better than this. How about 5 years, no raises for three, some pittance the last two years, we'll even give you a week when you won't have to pay them."
KB: "Yeah, and if that's not enough, you can even take four more days away from them where they won't be paid. But let's give those four days back to them over, say, 18 months. Heck, some will die before they get that!"
DD: "And you know, let's crank up the health care. We can save the state some serious cake by making the employees pay a higher percentage of the total."
KB: "Did you say cake?"
AC: "Yes, Ken, he did, but he meant money. Not food. Put your tongue back in your mouth."
KB: "My tongue IS in my mouth."
AC: "Oh, sorry. It looked like...oh, never mind."
KB: "And you can tell them that if they don't vote this in, well, by golly, you're going to lay off a whole bunch of people!"
AC: "Why would I do that?"
DD: "Because they're cattle. They'll give in easily, because you can threaten them. And given what's happened in other states, why, they'll never say no. They'll be too afraid to keep their jobs."
AC: "Why would you want them afraid? What's in it for you?"
DD: "Simple. They're sheep. They cave. We tell them it's to save jobs. You can lay them off later, just by making sure it's because it was 'unforeseen circumstances' that made you do it. And this way, we come off looking like heroes, and then we can jack up their union dies. See? It's a win-win. Anyway, I'm sure we can sell this to them. After all, they respect me, because I'm loud and blustery!"
KB: "Hey, I'm louder and blustrier...er, more blustery?"
AC: "Why are you guys caving in so easily?"
DD: "Simple, really. We like our jobs. We want to keep them. But we need more money. I'm thinking about going for liposuction."
KB: "And I need more doughnuts!"

Remember, this was an imaginary conversation. Or was it?