Life and Death and Parenting

Well, there's a terrific start to a blog.  Something deadly serious.  Sorry, there's no humor in this one.
What I'm about to relate is not a search for sympathy.  Nor is it for anyone to criticize.  You will undoubtedly have strong opinions on some of this, which is fine.  You'll understand later what I mean.
On Tuesday, October 16 at 1:45am my son Michael punched out from his job at a fast food restaurant.  He's 19 and a big boy - about 6'2".  He didn't get that from his stumpy old man.  As luck would have it, that day instead of taking his mother's Hyundai Santa Fe, he took her boyfriend's 1997 Ford Crown Victoria.  That is just the first improbability of the saga.  Mike lives with his mom, about 5 miles from his job.
At 19, you're an inexperienced driver.  That's just the nature of things.  Inexperienced drivers sometimes develop bad habits, such as speeding and hugging the shoulder of the road.  Both of these played a part in the story.
Mike estimated he was driving at least 60-65 miles per in a 55 zone.  As events played out it became apparent that Mike's estimate was, well, most likely inaccurate.
Mike recognized that he was hugging the shoulder of the road and overcompensated by pulling to the left.  This caused him to swerve across the double yellow line.  He saw an oncoming vehicle and again overcompensated to the right, this time losing control as the car left the roadway and headed for a minor ditch.  With the speed more likely in the 80+ range, this caused Mike to completely lose control, allowing the car to roll over.
It's not known how many times the car rolled.  It doesn't matter.  Probably 30 feet from where the car started to roll was a cross street.  Across that cross street stood a telephone and power pole, complete with street light and transformer.  All of a sudden you get the picture of where this is going.
The next day, there was no evidence on the cross street of gouging from the sheet metal on the car.  This leaves only a couple of possibilities: either the car rolled once and was on its wheels, or the car became airborne.
What is clear, though, is that the car slammed into the pole, shearing it off and dropping the transformer to the ground next to the driver's side door.
What had once been a 1997 Crown Vic was now a shattered hulk, its roof completely caved in, the front end jacked at about 45 degrees, the drive train shaped like a 'V'.  As rescuers said, no one should have survived that wreck.
Fortunately, there were two things working in Mike's favor.  The airbags deployed and the seat belt held him in place.
I know the last comment will get civil libertarians up in arms.  I've heard the arguments about seat belts causing bodily injury.  It doesn't matter.  Frankly, that's one of my prouder achievements, instilling the use of seat belts.  It saved his life.
When in a traumatic situation we do some really weird things.  There was a young man across the street who happened to be looking out his window when he saw the accident happen.  He came running across the street to see if there was anyone he could help.  By the time he'd gotten there, Mike had unbuckled the seat belt, unwedged himself from the collapsed interior, stood up and pushed the windshield out.  Mike looked at him and said, "Hey, did you go to my high school"?
Why he didn't get electrocuted when he got out of the car is a mystery.
Then he called his mother and told her that he was sorry, that her boyfriend would need to find another way to get to work.
My wife Darlene and I were visiting our daughter and her family in Raleigh, NC, about 12 hours away.  We got the call around 2:35am, about an hour after we'd gone to bed.  Mike's mom, Cindy, didn't know at first the extent of injury, as she'd just gotten to the scene.  Darlene and I decided to at least continue to rest before driving back to New York.  With one hour of sleep we probably would have had an accident ourselves.  Some time later, Cindy called back and said that Mike appeared to be OK and was talking.  That allowed us to relax some, at least enough to be able to drive back.
Mike's injuries?  A couple of scratches on his arms and a scratched spleen.  Yup, the seat belt probably caused the minor internal injury.  And you know what?  That's fine with us.  Because if he had not been belted in he would have been compacted or split open.  After less than 36 hours in the hospital, Mike was released in fine condition.
Now here's where it may become controversial.  Certainly within my own family there is divisiveness over what allowed Mike to live through this.  But in my own mind, there is no doubt that Divine Intervention was at play.
Cindy has three brothers that are deceased.  She believes that they were watching over Mike.
Our daughters are confirmed atheists (or at least agnostics) and likely do not think there was anything like the Hand of God.
As a recovered agnostic of many years, I have no doubt that the love of God was the deciding factor.  And my wife and I thank Him and praise Him for this blessing.
I don't know what Mike makes of all this yet.  I suspect it will take him some time to come to grips with this.  He says that he is fully aware of his mortality.  Hope so, because the alternative might be that he thinks himself bulletproof.  That would be tragic.  Whether it results in him changing his life is an open question.  One can but wish.
A parent should never outlive their children.  I can think of no greater pain than to lose a child.  Yet there may be degrees of that pain.  I've had a couple of childhood friends die young of cancer, when their parents were alive.  That would be devastating, yet it's hard to think that they didn't realize the probability of it happening.  But to lose a child in an accident must be far worse, because you have no idea it's coming.  I am thankful beyond words that did not happen now.
I thank you for your indulgence in relating this story.
The final thought is this: Please, all of you, wear your seat belts.  Make sure your passengers wear seat belts.  Think about it.  A 100 pound person loose in a vehicle going 50 miles an hour is going to hit whatever is in front of it with a force of roughly 2-1/2 tons.  At least that's my grade school understanding of inertia.  My son-in-law the brilliant guy will probably be able to set me straight on that.  But you absolutely want everyone belted in and every lose object stowed, preferably in the trunk.
Encourage your driving kids to wear their belts.  Death isn't cool.
Here is a video link to youtube for a 6-1/2 minute presentation on this.  Warning: graphic images are included.
Video Warning