Barbara Jean Becker passed away yesterday morning at age 78. You probably don’t know Barb, probably had never heard of her. Heck, this may be the first time she’s ever been mentioned on the web.
Who was Barb Becker?
She is half of my kids’ grandmother. She’s the mother of my ex-wife. As far as ex-mothers-in-law, she was the best. As far as a person, she was one of the best.
Let me tell you a little bit about her.
I first met her in 1984 when Cindy and I started to go out. Barb took me right in and made me feel welcome immediately. There were stories about her doing that all the time – taking in strays. Most of the time they were human. She didn’t seem to have any issues trusting someone from the start. And usually she was right. I don’t recall hearing any stories of how she’d been taken advantage of. She would feed folks who were hungry. This isn’t to say she ran a boarding house, but if you were a friend of one of her kids, you were good to go.
She was Mrs. Cleaver in a day when many women were starting to find the need to get out of the house and earn money, or self-respect, or just a break from being Mrs. Cleaver. She seemed to enjoy that role, and it fit her. She was forever baking something good. It may not have been good for you, but you can rest assured no one cared.
She raised seven kids, six to adulthood. At an early age, her second son Dougie was hit and killed by a drunk driver. As devastating as that was, she was to have more tragedy as the years passed. Her youngest son, Tommy, passed away in his early thirties. Just last year, her eldest boy Alan passed away. She endured cancer, pneumonia and other assorted maladies.
Yet she didn’t ever lose her sunny optimism or her ability to see the best in all situations.
Barb was a simple woman. She had simple tastes and doted on her family. She never learned to drive. She had hobbies and crafts, including making figurines out of stones. For one birthday she made a likeness of me on a putting green out of little painted stones. I still have that.
We couldn’t have been much more different, she and I. She was always saying something nice about someone. She saw good in people. I was the opposite.
When Cindy and I divorced, Barb didn’t boot me as she might have. For two or three years, she continued to send birthday and Christmas presents and cards. She was gracious when on one or two times I’d stop by to say hello. But after a short period I’d stopped going by, and asked Cindy to tell her mom to stop sending me stuff. It felt awkward to me, but it probably didn’t to her.
I last saw her at Alan’s service a little more than a year ago. Considering the circumstances, she was in remarkably good spirits. To have had three of her seven children predecease her must have been more than she could bear, but you never knew it by seeing or talking with her. She was starting to slow down, but seemed to downplay her own condition.
Forget the stereotyped mother-in-law (although I did have one of them). My final MIL is a wonderful woman, similar to Barb. But I couldn’t have a better ex-MIL.
The world should have many more Barb Beckers. Glad you got your new hip, Ma. You’re going to need it chasing your three boys around. Take care. We’ll miss you.
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